Crofton Online: National Election Analysis
Pied Piper Hyde Leading GOP 'Rats' Into 'Symphony of Destruction'
Will Republican rank and file fall in behind him?

Republican Judiciary Committee chairman Henry Hyde today [November 5] challenged President Clinton to a nationally-televised game of '81 Questions' to be broadcast live, complete with Republican Hyde as 'impartial moderator.'

The television tabloid ABC News has already offered $20 million for onetime live domestic broadcast rights, according to sources in the industry. The worldwide rights could go for three times that, due to the extreme fascination around the globe with the idiocy engulfing America.

Under Hyde's scenario, the President would take on Kenneth Starr in a final, talk show format 'Final Fight to the Finish.' A source confirmed that Mr. Clinton will be required to fight with both hands tied behind his back to symbolize the ground rules of the "Constitutional Confrontation," which are to be as follows:

The President can only answer "Admit" or "Deny." Any other answer will be considered a "delaying tactic," an impeachable offense under current House rules.

Democratic members of the Judiciary Committee will be allowed to speak (after all, they are incumbents too), but only for short periods of time, with the length to be defined by the Republican majority as they go along.

All questions asked will be directed toward the President. At no time will anyone be allowed to ask Kenneth Starr questions.

Both contestants agree to stop the proceedings for periods of from two to five minutes for the purpose of inserting commercials. The timing and placement of the commercials will be at the sole determination of the producer-in-charge at ABC.

Both parties agree to accept the decision of the viewing audience as final and to forgo any further public discussion of this issue once its decision is made public. [NOTE: We have been informed that the ACLU may challenge this provision in court as an unconstitutional infringement of Starr's free speech. Stay tuned.]

"He [Mr. Clinton] claims to be equal to all 535 of us on the Hill," a smug Mr. Hyde said, according to a source. "Let's see how much of the presidency is left after we finish playing '81 Questions' with him."

Indeed. Let's see if the presidency is still standing.


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