One out of five delegates to the recent Republican National Convention--fully twenty percent--were millionaires, according to a column published in the Baltimore Sun today [August 7, 2000].

Attempting to show its diversity, the Grand Old Party of Wayne Gilchrest hired a professional wrestler, who just happened to be black, to address the assembled delegates.

In an honor usually reserved for elder statesmen, the World Wrestling Federation actor known as the "Rock" was offered the floor, and a national television audience, to plug his wrestling show. "The need to appear diverse overcame the requirements of tradition," explained one insider.

Miss America Heather Whitestone McCallum also "addressed" the crowd, reading a speech written for her by Republican staffers. "They're going to give me a script, so it's not really my speech," she said before her performance. "But you know I'm really excited to help. People write me fan mail, people respect me and people are interested in my opinions."

As usual, highly paid professionals had put together a totally controlled and managed show guaranteed to cure insomnia.